shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
