the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
