i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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