they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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