apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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