watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize