ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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