Kiss
Puke
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
