i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
