Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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