billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
