My room smells like vodka and shame
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
