something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
