Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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