These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
