remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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