I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
