u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
