Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
