if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
