can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
