I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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