I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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