It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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