He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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