I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
