He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
