I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
