I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
