hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
