i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
