Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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