Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
