just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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