he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
