do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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