Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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