my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's the barista slut.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
