Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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