evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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