Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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