let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
