Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
