Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
