Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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