The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont even know how to be here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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