Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
