youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
