We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
