It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize