the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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