Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
