ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
