you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
