Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
