Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
