Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
