Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
