Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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