half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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