Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
