I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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