I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize