they need to just BURY HIM!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
