Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
