I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
