How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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