Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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