Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
