The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
