My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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