All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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