Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize