margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
