you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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