Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
